So, Life Goes On

I really have no idea why I picked that for a title. I guess it just fit:)

Things are still pretty much the same. We have these little text message wars and let me tell you, his cut deep. I get the, "your worthless" "Your a poor excuse for a mother" and so on.

He just keeps telling me that I would just repent and get right with the God, everything would get better. I just keep on telling him to focus on yourself and how you can improve and let me focus on me.

I mean, c'mon, how can he even think about changing when he spends his days thinking of things I need to change or improve. I mean I will admit my faults in this marriage but I am not totally to blame. He plays his part too and unless we BOTH make some changes, we are not going to make it.

I am just seriously going through the motions of marriage lately. I am half way debating on going back to the lawyer and started a divorce. I mean our divorce will probably take years anyway since he wants the kids, he doesn't want to pay and he won't sign any papers.

But I will be Dam*** if I let my girls grow up with a man like that. I mean I not one of those feminist or anything close to that but I don't want my girls growing up thinking that at any minute, God can squish you like a bug. I want my kids to get convictions based off their relationship with God, not some man shoving it down our throats.

I am really not sure what to do. I have tried talking to him but it ALWAYS goes back to, that I just need to repent and get right with God. And i'm not even sure what I am supposed to be getting right!!!!

Yes, I work a part-time job, I wear capris and I smoke. And yes, I am not going to church 3 times a week with him. To tell you the truth I can't even stomach walking into that building with him. But I do go on Sunday mornings and Sunday nights.

Oh, I wish life had an on and off button because I would so hit the off button right now!!!

Please people, tell me something to cheer me up, jokes, stories, ANYTHING!!!

As always, thanks for listening to me rant:)

Yesterday.....Wow

So, here's a little re-cap of yesterday. We both worked and got home around the same time, 5:00. The kids got home and we rested for a about 30 min. Then he decided to go mow the grass and I decided to cook dinner.

So he's outside and I decide to make hamburgers, but we are out of propane and I really want them on the grill so I go out side to ask him, If I can load up ALL 3 of the kids and go buy some propane. He is immediately red in the face and asks me where I am going to get money for it, I politely tell him that I worked all day and I get paid daily, I clean houses, he knows this, he is obviously mad about something.

SO I asked him what his problem was and he said when he was mowing the grass, he found a cigarette butt. Yes, people, 1 cigarette butt.

I do have a ash tray that I use but occasionally, one gets away form me.

So then he goes on and on about this butt in the grass and then tells me that he can't believe our lifestyle, You know, the drugs, alcohol, and sex parties:)

Ok, #32 Hmmmm, just because I work a part time job cleaning houses, wear capri pants and smoke cigarettes does not make me the worst person, mother on the face of this earth.

So I gave him the finger and I left, He then sent me a text and told me that "the worst part about me leaving is that I come back, stay gone for good this time."

Thanks #32, I love you too.

I Updated The "Please Read" Section

Wow, after looking that section over, it's no wonder no one knew what I was talking about!!!! I had my numbers messed up and my sentences weren't even correct sentences!!!

So, anyway, it's all fixed now, and thank you to everyone who brought that to my attention.

Drama At The Mall

So, last night me and #32 decided to get a baby-sitter and have a fun night out. Which ment going to LongHorn and then shopping at the mall.

Well we made it through dinner fine, we actually had a great time of laughing and conversation.......................................Then, we went to the mall, *Please cue Twilight music*,

SO we are walking and he is walking like a snail, I really was trying not to say anything but I just couldn't take it, so I asked him politely if he could walk a little faster. Boy did that set him off, He then made his little speech about how he should be able to walk anyway he wants to and that, the mall is not ALL ABOUT ME. Ok, #32, as soon as you are done crying like a little baby, maybe we can finish our FUN time at the mall.

So then I showed him where the men's shoes were and I was looking RIGHT NEXT TO HIM at some nightgowns and the next thing I know he is gone!!!!

So I have to call his cell phone and he tells me that he left the store and is sitting by the fountain.

I asked him, "You couldn't even come get me when you were done looking?!? We are supposed to be doing this together"

He then tells me that he doesn't want to shop with me because basically I told him how to walk, I'm selfish, I think the mall is all about me, and so on, and so on.

So I leave him sitting at the fountain and I tell him just to meet me at the car when he is ready.

SO I wait for like 15min for him when he finally decides to come to the car. He's so freaking immature, I just can't stand it!!!!

When we get home, I changed into my Capri's because I was going to leave. We had a baby-sitter all night and obviously we can't be alone with each other. So he jumps up, starts yelling at me, blocks the door so I can't leave.

I had to push him like 3 times just to get out the door. He was freaking out because I changed into my "hooker" clothes, You know, Capri's and a t-shirt, and I was leaving. And since he's a control freak, he couldn't take it.

SO even as I am leaving, He is yelling out the window, "Your a piece of Crap!!!!"

Yes, #32, You make me really wanna stay here with you now.

SO anyway, I thought I would share with you our nice romantic night out without kids. You know the one we have about once every 2 months!!!

Thanks #32, You Suck!!!!!!

Just A Quickie

For those of you who do not know my families secret names, I will share again. All they are, are our ages so if one changes out of the blue, it's because they had a birthday, I will try to update my side bar to match. Here we go.

#32 is my husband
#26 is me, but I am soon to be #27
#5 My daughter
#3 My second daughter
#2 My son
Monster-In-Law, My Mother-in-law

A few updates real quick, Jim is back at the house and I started a job, cleaning houses, which I am actually liking very much. Jim hates the fact that I want to work but in order for him to come home, I told him that he needed to accept me for me!!!

That means that, yes, I smoke, yes I wanna work, yes, I wanna wear what I want to wear.

Now, I am not being all out rebellious, I do try to meet him in the middle but I am just ready to be me and if he can't like me for me then we got problems.

Oh, and I also bought a car, a 2002 Chrysler Seibring!!! He was not to happy about it but I was tired of on;y having one car and being stuck in the house 24/7, so I did it!!

For any new readers, my husband is VERY controlling. To the point of what I wear, who I hang out with, what I do all day. So that is why I am taking steps to better myself and hopefully save this marriage!!

Talk to you soon!!