I am so sure divorce lawyers are used to clients going back and forth so much, I mean really I have only changed my mind 3 times!! I guess I am entitled. I have invested 11 years of my life into this man and we have 3 children together. And before you go there, I know, children are not a good reason to stay in the marriage.
Lets just say, I have #33 by the balls!! He knows I saw my lawyer, hes knows he would lose the house, lose his money and not see his children as much, so he is kissing the ground I walk on.
Now, I do also understand that he is only being so "good" because he is afraid to lose everything he has worked for his whole life. Im not dumb to that. But in the big picture, there is no physical abuse, no affairs, nothing too major big. We are just 2 totally different people living in the same house. We definitely have our issues to work out and I guess, as of now, what im saying is, I am ok with trying this again.
You see, I actually live comfortably for the most part, my bills are paid, gas in my car, clothes on my back and food in my cabinets. So I am willing to get through the terrible fights to hopefully come to the light at the end of the tunnel.
Anyway, sorry this post kinda sucked, its late, I took a xanax to go to bed and im a little groggy and I barley make sense to myself!! Lol So feel free to post some comments. I do read them, I appreciate them all, even if I dont agree with some.
Oh, yea, I got my Internet hooked back up so I will be able to post a lot more often!!! Woo Hoo!!
14 comments:
Wow, I hope things work out this time. Best of luck. No apologies for your decision required. Marriage is worth the fight. Hugs to you.
Thanks, I can use all of the encouragment I can get:)
Blessings....
hmmmmmm....I question why you are really staying. When there is violence involved unless both parties are actively getting counseling both separately and apart how are things to be resolved? How is he to get a handle on his abusive ways (verbally, emotionally, and psychologically?) if he is not given the tools and taught how to implement them? If you are not seeking counseling and also given the tools in maneuvering the emotional, psychological, spiritual, social and physical aspects of this relationship marriage how exactly is it going to work? Are you both going to pretend until something is triggered in him and then triggered in you before the cycle of toxicity resurges itself?
This is not a healthy relationship from any standpoint, not yours, not his, not the children's. If you want your marriage to work then both you and him have to be willing to get bone honest, to stop talking at each other and begin to listen without defending and speak without offending. In order to do that adequately and successfully you need a third party involve to help maneuver the hills and valleys in order to get back to the love, respect and honoring of each other or else you just playing house, wasting your time and ruining your children's lives who are helpless to the situation because they are not equipped with the skills to deal or independent enough to get out and walk out of the toxic mess.
If you want to stay I can’t tell you otherwise because you are an adult and right or wrong your decision is your decision at least don’t fool yourself into thinking you got him where you want him and so he would do as you say because that would pass soon enough simply get the help you need to repair the years of damage done to your marriage and each other.
Well, since you asked us to speak out mind, I'll speak mine! :)
Two thoughts. One, what are you teaching your children about marriage? What do your children see when they see mom and dad?
Secondly, are you...happy? Don't you think you deserve better?
Hope you are doing well. =)
I know im only 16, so i dont really understand "life" but my dad had an affair and my mom was distraught. I know you said theres nothing like affairs going on. But i know my mom regretted staying with my dad for a few years trying to work things out. I'm assuming you're still young, You have the rest of your life ahead of you, and you're kids arent going to be damaged at all, trust me! :)
But i think you shouldnt try and work on it, because in the back of you're mind, you will always have the memory of when you wanted to leave your husband. Be strong, Find a man that you get along with. Find someone that has the same interests, enjoys spending time with you and likes to listen to your rants. :)
Im sorry for sticking my nose in, but you've put it on the internet so i thought, why not?
So yeah, my opinion, leave the guy, be a glamorous single mom, instead of a glamorous married mom :)
All the best,
Emily x
well it is ok that your trying to keep the marraige going.maybe councling would help though.if he was abusing you or the kids id say get the hell out but since hes not i can see the reason youd want to stay.i hope it all works out maybe you should see a counclor though
Not only is your marriage not "my business," but I am a raw newbie to your blog.
The patient in the classic game Operation is "Cavity Sam."
That sounds like some heavy "Eastern" counseling, "be your own surgeon, my child,"
but it is just my own rant, and hardly connected at all.
-Lorraine
PS, I don't like it when people say things are "not at all connected," so maybe this my Eastern Counseling Day after all!
PPS, see, like " 'we' are connected;" we both exist in time and space, at LEAST.
"Men are only as loyal as their 'options'"........GM
Good luck to you. It's your life and it is your decision. You have to do what is good for you and your family.
...and I thought I was the only one with man troubles...Iam inside the same boat..30 years of my life invested on the wrong guy! whats to do?
have you seen the movie:Eat,pray,love? I suggest you do.Go to see and we can talk later.Do what is good for you,be a bit more selfish...if I may say so!
By the way,your blog is gorgeous!
hugs
lila
I am scolded left & right for keeping my Ex in my life, "you won't feel better until you blah blah."
but I am not "changing my mind," it changes on it's own. And sometimes the call made cannot be reviewed, like in sports, a foul is a foul when the ref calls foul. Why should I fake Okay-Without-Him to please my more PC-thinking friends?
My Ex did cheat on me, did lie to me, but I find I love him as much as ever, which amount grows every minute, as always.
Can't all the busy-bodies just consider it unconditional love? Yes, he is weak and cowardly, but I never thought he was godlike.
buh-BUT, Skinny26, why no post for nearly SIX MONTHS?????????
really, two-three key-taps to re-assure your peeps?
Message-id: <4CBF5A59.9090704@verizon.net>
Date: Wed, 20 Oct 2010 17:08:41 -0400
From: lorraine
To: skinnylattemama@hotmail.com
Subject: hey Skinny26, why the silence?
Your message cannot be delivered to the following recipients:
Recipient address: skinnylattemama@hotmail.com
Reason: Remote SMTP server has rejected address
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Hope things are working better for you now:)
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