Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Heres A Long Rant....I Mean Update

Ok, I am going on something like 5 months of leaving my husband. Have I had my doubts?.........Hell Yea!!!!

But I always seem to be reminded, by him, that i made the best decision for me and my family. That man is STILL trying to control me. This time through money. He has always been the one to support our family, by his choice, so when I left, he cut me off of everything!!! Which some of you may be thinking, i deserve that but we do have 3 children together, so when he cuts me off, he cuts them off, and thats what I need to get through his big head.

Our first court date is coming up in a week. Its a temporary hearing to get him out of the house and me and our 3 children back in. Also for him to start paying child support and alimony. On a side note, I wasn't gonna take him for alimony but since he decided that he couldnt even help out with diapers or gas money once in awhile, im going to get whats mine then.

You would think that a real man would have just left the house and let his wife and 3 very young children stay in it, even if hes not the one doing the leaving, but no, not my husband. He straight up told me that he was not leaving the house or paying any money till he was court ordered to. So, go ahead #32, or however old you are now, the courts are just gonna see that as you not taking any responsibility, so be my guest, plead my case for me.

The next court date is not till January, so something tells me, this divorce is going to be a lot longer then I bargained for. But it's worth the wait. i have been unhappy for 10 years. We have not had a 6 month stretch in 10 years that has gone good. I am ready to be me again, whoever that is. I used to think people who said "I have to find myself" were crazy, I mean how could you not know who you are, what you like? But now I understand. Thats right where I am at. I don't know anything about myself. So throughout this blog, I might confuse you, but dont worry, your not alone, I confuse myself.

Well I gotta go. i am going to be posting more now, so I will keep all of you updated.

Heres the truth for today. I would not wish being alone on anyone!! Thats got to be the worst part. Going to bed alone. There is nothing anyone can say or do to make the feelings go away, I just have to go through it and get through it.


Rhapsody B. said...

Good to read from you again. The truth of the matter is you are never alone though at times it feels as if you are. I would say this is a good time to discover your strengths get back to dreams deferred. If he wants to keep the house and the money let him, let him choke on it. You will not suffer believe me, this is his way of keeping you tied and tangled with him. Every woman's reaction, action is different for me my piece of mind was worth more than child support or material things. There is nothing like being free of all that oppression, I raised my children alone, I worked, i went to school, I shuffled them back and forth to activities, I let them know they were loved. I didn't speak ill of their father even though i could have but I would not suffer one iota of energy toward him not even in conversation about him. When my children had questions I simply answered honestly what they ask, I did not add on, I did not take off and because their well being and mental state was my priority I simply told them that every parent parented differently and expressed loved differently and that their father loved them in his own way. When they asked why he did not visit I simply said that he chose not to because as adult we all have choices about how we live our lives and sometimes those choices are not always the best but it is there’s to make.

I kept it simply, i network with the people in my community, resources got them into activities and secured childcare that would allow for me to take classes.

It all worked out, they are grown and I am living my life. If anyone ask them about their father and if their mother spoke nasty of him they will quickly say no she didn't. The thing about men like that you don't have to speak ill of them because their way is character deep it shows up and their behavior will tell the story and your children will figure it out without you engaging in dirty verbal exchanges that will only impact them negatively.

If you want to vent, do so when you are away from your children, never let them here you say negative things about their father, if you have done it in the past then you can’t change that however you can change what you do from this moment on.

Just live your life, take care of your children and yourself. There will be challenging days and nights of sleeplessness but never fear you will rise and all will be alright. You focus on you and your children and simply let that man be who he be, nothing you do or say will change him the only control you have is over yourself, your actions, your words and your deeds. The best revenge is living well! Trust me its not just a cliché it is true! I have lived it….and like cream, I have risen to the top!

You are a strong woman and you will not only survive this, you will live!

Peace & keep your head up.

Anonymous said...

Dear Gal,
U r one brave person and I commend you for this...don't look back now that you have taken a step forward...most of us live a life of compromise pretending to have fulfilling marriage when the actual truth is we may not even stand the sight of each other:)
When it time for action one can't deliberate...sleeping walking through life has given most of us nothing but wasted years...I am going to follow you religiously from now will be in my prayers...Remember u r strong and someone far away in a distant land prays for you and your kids daily:)

Critty Critty Bang Bang said...

*gives you a Malcom X type fist*
Stay strong lady, your doing whats best for you and your young ones.
Good riddance to the jerk! As for going to bed alone, might I suggest a large dog? They might shed, but they're STILL a LOT less messy than a man. *=-p

Lorraine said...

Good luck with your life changes. Rememeber that you are what you think, so think good thoughts! Sometimes i wish I could be single too. My husband is such an eccentric and is financially retarded to boot!! Or should I say financially handicapped?? haw haw

kitty moore said...

I understand everything that you are saying. My situation was very similar when I took my daughter and left my husband - and it is absolute hell. The guilt ate away at me until I was a size zero. But five years on...and it gets a lot better, I promise.

Kitty x


Respectfully Yours said...

I just found your blog and I am truly sorry about your situation. But be strong, things will definitely get better, stay in for the long haul. I too left my husband and everything I got was court ordered.

That was 13 years ago. I am remarried to a wonderful man who loves my children. Your day will come and you will have the companionship you so desire again.

I will follow along and offer my support where I can if that's ok with you.

landmark lighting said...

hang in ther it gets easier

Ladybug Mama of 2 said...

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through all this. But it sounds to me like you did the right thing. And it will get better in time.

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